Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Hiya! I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve. Well before I get into the post I just want to say yea this was going to be my NaNoWriMo, yes was, sadly I didn't come up with the idea for this story until mid November so of coarse I didn't have time to finish it. Anyways I continued to work on it over my Winter Break from school and can happily say I have made progress :D. Now I have decided to show you the first 2 chapters of the it to see what you all think, so I can know if I need to to approach it differently or what. Now I really want your HONEST critism, not all that omg that was wonderful crap, HONEST! Please comment what you think and hey maybe I'll post some more chapters if you like it. Now without further ado here's my story Escape. P.S PLEASE PLEASE DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!! P.S.S I know it starts out fast but trust me it slows down alot.

Hi my name is well if want to be all formal and such it’s Samantha, but I swear if you ever call me Samantha I will blow your head off, literally. How you may ask yourself? Or you may even be laughing you head saying how can a 13 year old girl blow my head off. Well here is my insane, crazy, true story about how my life changed in a matter of hours and how I learned to survive with well my interesting new life. P.S This story is 100 percent true written by yours truly, Sam.

Chapter 1:

I woke up with a start my head and heart pounding, my lungs screaming for air, It was just a dream I kept telling myself. It was just a dream. A dream I have had for the last 6 nights in a row, but still a dream. I just had to keep telling myself this if I was going to ever be able to sleep again. I got up and ran to my desk, unlocked the bow, and pulled out my journal. I wrote down every detail of the dream it was the same as it was every night. I was at my school, there was a huge explosion, but for some reason I was walking toward the explosion instead of away from it. Carrie was behind my screaming my name. Then we both ran into the cafeteria and saw this monster thing. Then the dream ended, just like that every night, every detail the same. “Ergg!” I screamed. What’s wrong with me. I looked up to the mirror on my desk. “What’s wrong with me?” I asked in all most a whisper. “Okay Sam.” I told myself. “Pull yourself together.” As if he was on cue my Dad screamed what he screamed every morning. “SAM YOU BETTER BE DRESSED!” Then I answered with my regular response and got ready to go have yet another crappy day. I walked over slowly to my closet, opened the door, and grabbed whatever I could find. Then I grabbed my bag, my favorite book, and my journal. “Coming dad” I yelled and slid down the stair well banister. “Hey Dad, Bye Dad.” I said grabbing an apple and heading out the door. I could hear my Dad screaming at me as I walked out the door. He finally gave up and just sighed and said “At least try and learn something.” “Will do dad, will do” I said slamming the door behind me. I grabbed my bike and started the long to block journey to school already wishing the day was over. As I was riding I started thinking about the dreams I had been having lately and asking my self a million and one question. “Why am I having them?” “Do they mean something?” A tree knocked my out of my day dreams. “Ow!” I screamed. Then I heard the worst sound ever. The hissing of a tire deflating. “ No, No, NO!” I screamed. “I can’t be late again, or Mrs. Henry will kill me, then my dad will kill me.” I grabbed my bike and wheeled it as fast as I could toward school. I arrived at school as soon a bell rang. I quickly ran to my locked and was greeted by textbook, binders, and books all flying at my face. “Oh come on!” I yelled at top of my lungs. Then I was greeted by my “favorite” teacher in the whole school Mrs. Black. “Hi Mrs. Black” I murmured under my breath. “Did you just yell in my hallway Samantha?” Yes, I mumbled. As she walked away I started down at the detention slip in my hand and slammed my locker closed. My day was off to a great start as I sulked off to my first period class. 

Chapter 2:

I slumped into my chair in homeroom trying to think of a way to tell my dad about detention. “Sam, Sam, SAMANTHA!” Mrs. Jones screamed. “What what oh” I exclaimed. “Do you mind coming back to earth and sharing the answer with us” my teacher said impatiently. “Um well 4” I answered. “Sigh no Samantha and I will see you after class.” Mrs. Jones said sadly. “Okay” I sighed. The rest of class period went by at a snail’s pace and when the clock finally got to the 10 Mrs. Jones called me up to the front. As I walked up ready to get another detention something strange and magical happened. I started to float! I looked down at the floor in disbelief and as quickly as it stated it stopped. Mrs. Jones looked and me and asked “What are you waiting for an invitation?” “Um did you see that?!?!” “See what Sam your not getting out this don’t make it harder” “ Okay okay I’m coming” I exclaimed as I slumped forward wondering if I had just imagined the whole thing. As I walked out of the room now I had not just one but two detention slips. Sigh the rest of the day passed without much excitement until lunch that is. As I walked to my locker to get my lunch I was meant by my best friend, Carrie. “Hi Carrie.” I said glumly. “What’s the matter.” she asked. In response I handed her the two detention slips. “OMG how did this happen?!?!” I was just about to start to tell her the story when there was a huge crash in the cafeteria and we were greeted by 100 hundred students and trying to get out at once. By the time Carrie and I got out of our trance it was to late we were stuck in a steeped of hundreds of kids all trying to get out the building at once. I had a funny feeling as I was getting pushed out of the building, like I had to go back, I had to do something. Before I knew what I was doing I was pushing through the crowd in the direction of the cafeteria. As I was pushing through the crowd the world seemed to be in slow motion. I arrived to the cafeteria and wasn’t sure what I saw. As I was staring at the strange person Carrie arrived next to me. “Sam we need to get out of here NOW!” Then she saw what I was staring at and her jaw dropped. “Sam what is it that” she stuttered. “I don’t know but it seams familiar.” I exclaimed. “FAMILIAR FAMILIAR SAM HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!!” “No Carrie” I said calmly “I haven’t. “Are you coming or not?” I asked . “WHAT?!?!?” Carrie screamed. “Are you coming or not?” I sighed. She opened her mouth to say something but I stopped her. “I don’t have time for this” I screamed at her as I ran toward the strange man. As I got closer my fear got bigger. When I was within 100 feet of the man he finally noticed me. “So much for the silent approach.” I muttered to myself. I was asking myself what to do next when savior arrived, Carrie. “Carrie Thank God you’re here!” I yelled as I hugged her. “Okay okay Sam so what’s the plan.” she asked hopefully. “Well um I sort of don’t have one.” I mumbled under my breath. “Sam what is the point of all this” she sighed. Before I could even answer the man was approaching us. “Ummm Carrie” I said quietly. “What Sam what!” She screamed. “OH MY GOD” She screamed at the top her lungs. We both looked at each other and started to run but it was to late the man was upon us. Then before our eyes he started to grow I mean grow 20 feet. We both screamed and the man bent down and lifted Carrie up. “CARRIE” I SCREAMEND “CARRIE” “ HELP ME SAM HELP ME!!” She shouted! I felt a tingling in my hands and I looked down and they were on fire! Carrie turned pale “Sam?” After a moment I knew what to do it was like my instincts were on steroids. I through flaming punch after flaming punch at him. He shrunk back to normal size and put Carrie down.


  1. It was good :) You missed out a couple of commas and full-stops (periods, I think you call them) but the plot is great. Keep writing :D

  2. Thanks Jenni and yea I notcied that too when I reread it.

  3. To be honest, it needs a bit of work. It's a story with a lovely concept, but your pace is far too quick, and there are too many run on/short sentences that don't seem to do the job.
    Also, when a character is using dialogue, you're supposed to start a new paragraph, but it looks as if chapter one and too are both huge single paragraphs.
    I'm really sorry if all this sounded harsh, but hopefully with the feedback, it'll improve. If you edit it, then post it again, I'll tell you what I think. Don't be discouraged--it is a great story. And once it's revised it'll become even better.
    xox, Maya

  4. Okay thanks and this is the reason I posted this was so I could see what other people thought and see how I could improve my story.